Faith and Fear

Fear is the opposite of faith. You cannot be in fear and faith at the same time. Fear is taking ownership and control while faith is surrender. Fear tells you that you have to do something or not do something to keep yourself safe. Faith is knowing that safety is an illusion created to appease our ego-self that it has some sense of control. I know people who are very poor and people who are financially stable and both can be as afraid of homelessness as the other. Neither has safety, though they are trying to create it. Our minds are always looking for what will keep us safe. What choice is the right choice? The “safe” choice can even be a self-destructive one. That's because what is known and familiar feels safe. Even when this is actually abusive or hurtful.

So if safety is an illusion, then we must make the right choices to be good people, right? Good people is the goal? I would say no to this also. Kindness is often my goal, but what I see as kind might not seem kind to another person. Good, kind, safe, and stable are all subjective. Each can be defined many different ways depending on the person defining it. When we want to be good and kind or we strive for perfection, this is still an act of ego. Ego is not a bad thing, nor is striving to be good and kind. Just don't confuse that with your purpose or let it hold you back in life.

I have often found there are two kinds of scary in my life. There are the things, people, and situations that scare me out of self-preservation; they are harmful in some way. These can just be a gut feeling of danger and I steer clear. Example: I'm not about to jump in front of a bus. That fear protects me and has its purpose. Then there is the fear of the unknown, the fear of making a change by doing something different. My toes and feet get tingly whenever I'm about to take that risk. There are times I freeze up and get stopped in my tracks. It's when I get in alignment with faith that I can move forward.

For me, faith is trusting in a high knowing, that I'm walking a path that might at times be painful and feel hard, but it's exactly what my soul needs for its evolution. That I am Divine and the Divine is experiencing me, too. The fact that we are all The One and, no matter what, that never stops, and trusting all that energy is always shifting towards love, even when I act out in my dysfunction or try to sabotage myself or feel pain or try to hurt myself. Every moment, I am Divine, and so is everyone else. When we live in that acceptance, it allows us to be present with ourselves and surroundings and clearly see the guidance forward. It's an act of stepping out of judgment and into experiencing, being, and feeling. That is when wisdom and clarity comes. This is a dance and I only know a few that can maintain that way of being. I'm not one of them, but I do know I can choose it at any moment, and that gives me hope.

Rise Above the Fear

I recently was doing a reading for a client when the Fairies spoke this nugget of wisdom: “Humans who are not empowered use fear and crazy behavior to try and control those around them. When you rise above that energy, out of the fear, they cannot control you.”

In my experience, when you start setting boundaries, the people who have been benefiting from you not having boundaries will start to act out. This can be conscious, but it also happens subconsciously. We humans have trouble with change. So, it can be difficult to make the decision to create a boundary in the first place. Once you do, those around you will try old and new tactics to gain a sense of control. Generally, this is because they feel unsafe in the new dynamic. You can be compassionate and still hold your boundary.

When you create a boundary, make sure it is set knowing what you are willing and not willing to do. It is not about changing the other person's behavior, just your participation in their behavior. You must know what you will do if someone does not respect that boundary. Look for the best path to detach yourself from the situation. This can be easy to do when dealing with someone who is well-meaning, but unconscious or unaware of their behavior. This is harder to do with someone who is narcissistic, controlling, or manipulative.

These types of people are not interested in your best interest no matter how much they may say or even think they are. These types are merely looking to take care of their own feelings, wants, and desires at the cost of everyone around them. They may suffer from addiction or other mental disorders that exacerbate the situation. Often, it is our own fear that drives us to keep engaging in codependent behavior with them. I don't mean to demonize anyone who is like this. They, too, are suffering and it is why they are acting out in this way. You can have compassion for their suffering without enabling toxic behavior.

To rise above the fear, as the Fairies said, is really the only way out of those dynamics. Do you fear being punished by their anger or behavior? Do you think you cannot live without them financially, emotionally, or spiritually? Do you think you can't survive in the world alone? I would like to point out that rarely is anyone truly alone. Most people have jobs, family, friends, neighbors, that even if they are distant, could be called upon if needed. Also, if you were alone for a while, you might start to find like-minded people.

Even the most peaceful, spiritually-centered people can fall victim to codependency. In fact, I find it is often the people who are not trying to judge and love the world unconditionally that fall into these situations. It is good and generous to want to help and care for others. I'm not suggesting that you cut people off that need help or to stop being kind. You have to look honestly at your relationships. If you are honestly helping someone, then they are as invested in it getting better or reaching their goal as you. If you are being kind you shouldn't feel like you have been slapped in the face when you are done. Compassion and kindness have to start with yourself. You have to respect yourself enough to know your value. If someone does not value you and continues to take from you while also putting you down or making you feel shame, there is no kindness in that situation.

You deserve peace, love, kindness, and compassion. When you rise above the fear, you can see the Divine meaning behind the situation or relationship. You open yourself to guidance from the Universe of your next highest and best step. You gain clarity about what you want and deserve. It is freedom in surrender and peace within the chaos. You may not be able to change it all immediately, but you can start to shift gently forward, and soon you will find your way out.